During the writing of Vera Blue’s second album, the artist born Celia Pavey was undergoing what she calls “a really weird shift” in her emotional state. “I was experiencing lots of anxiety and depression, and at the time I didn’t know what it was, and I didn’t understand it,” she tells Apple Music. “I was like, ‘I don’t want to feel this.’ I was just pushing it to the side. But that doesn’t work. You have to nurture it. You have to understand it, learn about it, and accept it to be able to move forward and cope with it.”
The first step in that process was receiving the official diagnosis that she was suffering from anxiety and depression. The process leading up to that, and the reckoning that followed, played a big part in informing Mercurial. “I think there’s this level of understanding of my emotions and my personality, of being a very mercurial and emotional person, and not seeing that as a negative thing if you learn to harness it in the right way,” she says. “See it as a superpower; it’s a beautiful thing. The whole journey of making this album has been really empowering.” Here, Vera guides us through Mercurial, track by track.
“Alright Now”
“This song is literally about seeing my doctor and doing the mental health checklist and her saying the words, ‘You have severe anxiety and depression, and we need to work on that and move forward.’ There were a few things that made it all add up and explode, and I didn’t know how to cope. ‘Alright Now’ is like a hope that I can feel alright now, but it is kind of empowering in a way.”
“Lethal”
“‘Lethal’ is one of my favorites. ‘Lethal’ and ‘Feel Better’ have a similarity in that [they’re about] explosive and reckless behavior. ‘Lethal’ also has a bit of a sexual tension thing in there—someone’s pulling you in, someone’s got some sort of grip on you. And that could also be yourself or part of yourself that’s drawing you into dangerous situations or going out and doing things you normally wouldn’t do, all just to feel a thrill or feel energy or take you out of a dark state of mind.”
“Feel Better”
“I’m realizing how similar the concept is between ‘Feel Better’ and ‘Lethal.’ And I love it ’cause they both sound so different. ‘Feel Better’ is more funky, uptempo, really driven by the bass, but it’s about being reckless and doing things you normally wouldn’t do. The ‘quarter-life crisis’ reference [in the lyrics] really creates images of things that I’ve been doing or people I know have been doing, going through these crazy changes or transformations and feeling like, ‘I haven’t decided to do this. Something has just pulled me in the direction of doing it.’”
“The Curse”
“It was inspired by something my best friend was going through, and I’ve been through it, where you fall for someone or a best friend who you don’t really want to fall for, and you can’t really help it. You feel like you have to tell them that you love them, but if you tell them, there’s that fear of ruining your relationship or friendship or feeling embarrassed. It’s seeing that part of you as falling for people that you don’t want to as a curse.”
“Heart Still Works”
“This is about when I was falling in love again. I’m still with my partner today. And it’s about realizing that my heart still worked after heartbreak. There was a period of time where I was like, ‘Can I trust again? Can I fall in love again? Can I trust myself again? Can I be loved again?’ So, it’s that concept of when you see someone new who’s come into your life, and you’re falling for them, and you get little heart flutters, and you’re like, ‘I think this might be real—it feels different to everything else I’ve felt, and it’s just magical.’ It’s a beautiful song. It’s got a real ’80s, anthemic vibe.”
“Everything Is Wonderful”
“It’s definitely the darkest song on the album. It was written when I was in the darkest phases of depression and anxiety. It’s about when someone asks you how you are and lying and saying, ‘I’m fine. Everything’s wonderful’ ’cause you’re not wanting people to know how you’re actually feeling. It was really hard for me to open up and talk about how I felt. And it has that lyric ‘I smell the flowers like I’m told to do’—we try to take on all these different forms of advice, and you don’t know how to feel.”
“Wherever We Go”
“It’s one of my favorite songs. It’s just so upbeat and fun. It was written before COVID, but the more I listen to it, the more it resonates with that time and being stuck in lockdown and realizing that you need time at home to rest or be with your loved ones, people who lift you up. The lyric ‘This is the best that it’s gonna get’ means that you’re happy in the moment and present and feeling grateful for it.”
“Mermaid Avenue”
“There’s a street near our house called Mermaid Avenue, and I walk down it sometimes, and there are these enormous houses and beautiful views. And I just like the name Mermaid Avenue. I remember being in a relationship when I was 19 and having these hopes and dreams of what our future would look like, what we’d be doing, how many kids we’d have, what their names would be, and having these crazy future dreams. And when that relationship ends, it’s crushing ’cause you’re like, ‘But I had these dreams!’ You start to get really carried away with these things that you wanted, but not really thinking about how the actual relationship is.”
“Trust Fall”
“‘Trust Fall’ is a little bit similar to ‘Heart Still Works.’ Allowing myself to trust again, because in past relationships there was a bit of cheating. There was a lot of heartbreak in terms of feeling insecure, so it took me a long time to build a sense of self-worth and know what I deserve. So, when I started falling in love with [my partner], I was like, ‘I’m beginning to feel really attached to you,’ and that’s what the song’s about too: feeling attached to someone and then realizing that I have to move forward, I have to feel like I can allow myself to fall back and trust again. It’s a beautiful one.”
“Red Rose”
“This song was written as things were moving forward with this relationship. There were lots of things that we were learning about each other. There’s a lyric where it says, ‘You gave me a red rose to show your love for me/I gave you a red rose to say I’m so sorry,’ and that’s something that happened in our relationship one time. He would walk me through these dark times because he’s been through it himself. Having that person to walk you through all these tough times and develop as a couple.”